I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it,I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enoughfor me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying,'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis braceletwhen she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is alldear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enoughfor me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least the bitch knows I'm smarter than her.